“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” James 1:19 NLT
I never used to like the perception of calmness amidst conflict. To me, it looked like I was just being gullible and ready to accept whatever the other person said to me. So, I was often quick to react and express my anger.
As I got older, I realised how mature it felt to keep quiet and allow others to voice their opinions. No one knew what I was thinking, and if the claims were baseless and unverified, my silence helped me observe and use their words in my defence once I finally spoke.
Only recently, I had to settle a rift between two employees. Both were wrong, but while one kept her cool, the other was haughty and quick to speak. Guess who lost my respect and got me riled up? You guessed right.
The instruction of James isn’t just for us to look holy and Christian-like. It defines our interpersonal relationships and what we gain out of life.
To listen doesn’t just mean to hear, but to act on what you hear. That means you’re not just hearing words to reply, but you’re actively taking notes, identifying the corrections you’d apply and the ones to use as the foundation of your argument.
When you can slow down the conversion of thoughts to speech, it shows self-control. Instead of “thinking with your mouth,” you’re patient enough to sieve through your thoughts and speak maturely.
The consequence of this is that your anger is delayed. When you speak faster than you process thoughts, you remove the emotional barricade that should be there. This makes angry outbursts almost always automatic.
How can we apply James’ instructions to work?
Another dimension to this is how we serve others. Sometimes we serve based on what we think people want instead of what they want.
Anger and frustration come knocking when we give and don’t get back what we expect. This happens because we are not patient enough to understand how people want to be served.
It’s like starting a new organisation and serving the team the same way you did in your previous business. That’s a recipe for failure because you’re slow to listen and quick to act.
When I started my new agency in 2023, I was ready to import all the core values, policies, and frameworks from the previous company I led. However, I paused and listened to how the team members engaged with one another. One year later, it has defined a new set of core values and policies I would not have seen.
“I become quick to listen and slow to react in all I do.”
Listening helps us become more teachable and open to new ideas. It makes those we serve feel important and gives us the foundation for new decisions, discoveries, and directions.
Whether we’re in our homes, at the office, or amongst friends, we can always be the bigger person.
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